Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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