Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
