Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
