the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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