As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I lost the right to judge tonight
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
