Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wish you could order shots online.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I think i got beer on your cat.
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