Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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