He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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