Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
