That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
