How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
