We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
