i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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