you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
