We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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