I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
