Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
