Your favorite bartender is back from prision
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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