We got so high we made milksteak
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
