You work out of a Hotel?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
