Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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