i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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