Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
