I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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