it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
