Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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