Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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