mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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