Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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