oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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