who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
