if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
