we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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