but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
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We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
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My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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