I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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