Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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