Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
