I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
