i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
