Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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