it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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