We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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