i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
