he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
