In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
