you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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