Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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