I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
