I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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