so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
