if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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