So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Still dying that you shit outside
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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