Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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