You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
