What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
