make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
