thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
ttyl tear gas
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
