so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
