is wine microwaveable?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
