The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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