dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize