hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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