Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
