i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
