If that was your dad, he is hot
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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