At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
