dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
