Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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