mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i've created a new STD.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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