True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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