What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
